I have had quite some difficulties with making choices in my life. I often tend to keep doubting, thinking about my options, and jumping from one possibility to another in my mind. Until at some point I just 'tie the knot', hoping for the best...
Fortunately, while supervising me, my colleague Gideon van Dam provided me with a useful 'choice method', which he had received from others: a way to make well-considered choices, in which your head and your heart can both participate. Curious? It goes like this:
1. Make columns
Take a sheet of paper and make as many columns as you have possible options to choose from. Suppose you have three options (let's say A, B, C), then make three columns and write above them: A, B, C.
2. Thoughts and feelings
Then in column A, you write everything that comes to mind if you would choose A: your thoughts, your feelings, the advantages, the disadvantages, and the questions you might have about it. Then do the same with columns B and C.
3. What is important?
Probably certain thoughts or feelings are more important to you than others. Underline what weighs most heavily for you. Sometimes your head and heart will tell you what the right choice is. If not, take the next steps as well.
4. Live one day with one choice
Bring peace to your thought process by living one day with each choice. You get up and think 'today is my choice: A' and through the day you observe how that choice makes you feel and what thoughts it evokes in you. At the end of the day, you can add additional ideas to your column. The following day you live with choice B and so on. After C, you can start back at A if necessary.
5. What gives you joy?
The underlying question in all of this is: which choice gives you the most joy? So no "superficial pleasure" or "easy way out," but: which choice makes you happy inside? After all, this is the choice that most likely suits you best and is most in line with what you want to do and who you want to be.
6. Do it!
Once you know which choice suits you best, go for it. Don't let excuses or sideways distract you anymore, but do what you wholeheartedly choose to do.
The beauty of this choice method is that it gets you out of the constant doubting and thinking. Especially because you start living with one choice for one day, it gives you the peace you need to fully explore each possibility and make your choice on a deeper level. Something for you? There's only one way to find out: try it out!
Margit van Tuijl
This is a revised version of an article that first appeared in ‘Rond ‘t Hofke 03-2023’
Image is a picture of a Dixit playing card
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