Let's talk about Sex

Are you happy with your sex life? Do you know what your partner likes? Do they know what you like? Do you even know what you like?

Much of what we learned about sex is from the little sex education we had at school, which was mostly about how to, or not to, get babies and STDs. It might still leave you with a lot of questions. Also porn has a great impact on how we view sex. It almost seems as if sex should be one certain way: the woman is fully shaved with small pubic lips, the guy’s dick hard at all times, and always the same checklist being crossed off: kissing, handjob, mouth job, sex, and always finished off with an audible orgasm. Porn also teaches you how easily you can get stuck under a bed when a stepbrother is around and that there are tons of desperate single moms in your area ready to fuck, but I won’t go into that now. 

So, back to your experience, the real deal. What does good sex mean to you? Does it always have to end with penetration or even a climax? 

Everyone has their own view of what good sex means to them. Over the years, I often talked about sex with my friends, my partner, and even complete strangers. It showed me that everyone has their own desires and their own insecurities. It also showed me that there are still many people who don’t talk about it, even with their partners. But how do you expect the sex to become better if you don’t talk about it with your partner?

By talking to other people about sex, you can learn a great deal about what other people view as normal. Many of the people I talked with, told me they were not used to talking about sex and found it a relief to finally be able to do so. So if you find it scary, keep in mind you’re also helping out one another. 

Maybe I have inspired you to go talk about sex, but how do you start such a conversation? I got some tips for you that migth help you out:

1. When there is something I find really hard to talk about I will start the conversation with “there’s something I wanna talk about”. This sentence is not hard to say, you don’t have to confess anything yet, but the other person knows something is up. From my experience, the other person will make sure you get to your point eventually, probably cause they are curious too. So I see it as a way to throw yourself under the bus, and from there, you know you will get where you want to. 

2. If you prefer to have some structure to your conversation, you might want to create a “yes, no, maybe” list together as a guiding line. In case you haven’t heard of that yet, it’s a list to mark down what you are alright with doing (the yes column), things you never want to try during sex (the no column), and things that sound interesting and might want to give a try (the maybe column). There are many of these lists available online which give all kinds of items to put on them, but of course, you can also come up with your own ideas for the list.